See to My Eternal Penance
by ArwenLalaith
Summary: They have a good life, if an unorthodox one. It takes six months for it to all fall apart...


**AN: This is the final fic in this series!** **This one is set early season twelve, during the time Emily leaves London and starts back at the BAU and _during_ A Scandal in Belgravia. If you haven't seen that episode of Sherlock, this fic is going to be super confusing for you, so I strongly suggest you watch it first. Enjoy!**

* * *

When Nero turns five and starts school full time, Irene decides to go back to work. She only has a few regular clients left from before she met Emily and she only entertains when Nero isn't home. Emily is secure enough in their relationship that she doesn't get jealous...much.

They have a good life, if an unorthodox one.

It takes six months for it to all fall apart.

The beginning of the end starts quietly, with a fever. Irene has to cancel three appointments because Nero stays home sick. On the fourth day, she gives in and takes him to the doctor.

That day, Emily gets a hysterical phone call.

It's the first time Emily has ever heard her lose control.

Nero has cancer, they learn. Non-Hodgkin's Lymphoma. And the treatment is expensive – they can't afford it, not with all their savings.

Irene is desperate and she can think of only one thing. She knows it falls in a morally grey area, perhaps; it's something she hasn't done since before she met Emily. But she'll do anything for Nero. _Anything._

So, she makes the phone call.

* * *

When Nero falls ill, Emily is supposed to be overseeing an important operation between the MOD and the CIA. Clyde has personally chosen her for the case, says it's a favour for an old friend of his.

She hasn't done a bit of work on the case, hasn't even glanced at it.

She doesn't think she could be blamed for it, not when her son is as sick as he is.

She stays in the hospital, sleeping on a cot next to Nero's bed and ignores Clyde's phone calls.

* * *

Sherlock Holmes is Nero's idol.

Irene wishes she could tell him about meeting the Consulting Detective, but that would mean telling Emily what she'd been doing that day and she's not entirely sure that's wise.

She told Emily she was out looking at affordable treatment options, which isn't a complete lie. If things go the way she plans, they'll be able to afford any care Nero needs. She just doubts Emily would approve.

When she returns to the hospital that night, she kisses Emily extra hard to reassure herself that she was doing the right thing. She holds Nero even harder.

If Emily looks at her with confusion, well, she just pretends she doesn't see.

* * *

Irene spends one last Christmas with her family.

She doesn't tell Emily what she has planned, knows she wouldn't approve, can't say she'd blame her, if the situation were reversed.

They try to give Nero the best Christmas, in case it's his last, though neither woman voices the fear.

They spoil him with more gifts than he can use and let him eat his fill of sweets, even though it will make him sick.

Irene watches them, the two important people in her life, and smiles sadly, bittersweet. She kisses both of them on the forehead, knowing it will all soon be gone, wishes there were another way, but knows there isn't.

She says goodbye without saying the words. She doesn't know when she'll see them again. She's afraid, of never seeing them again, but she'll make that sacrifice for her son.

* * *

Everyday, Nero watches the news in hopes of seeing Sherlock. It's one of the only things that cheers him up these days, when the pain of the cancer gets to be too much, when he misses Irene too much.

Emily buys him one of those silly deerstalker hats to cheer him up. He wears it all the time, even to sleep. Irene would have loved it, found it adorable.

She's angry with Irene, furious even, that she left without saying goodbye, without giving a reason. At the same time, though, she understands better than anyone what it's like to have to run. She's afraid, terrified even, for her, knows she wouldn't have run without good reason. But why wouldn't she have let her protect her?

She doesn't let Nero see her afraid, see her cry. He has too much to be afraid of, doesn't need to worry about his mother too. He knows, though, has always known things he shouldn't, ever since he was a baby.

"Mama's coming back, right?" he asks her one day, innocently, curiously as he browses Sherlock's website, reading about tobacco ash.

"Of course she is, kid," she assures, even if it feels hollow.

"You don't believe that," he replies, "Or you wouldn't be afraid."

"Why do you think I'm afraid?" she asks, ruffling his dark mass of hat-mussed hair.

"You're chewing your nails," he says without looking up.

Emily takes her hand away from her mouth guiltily. Irene used to threaten to cane her palms when she caught her doing that. "Your mom is coming back," she promises.

He looks at her with teary eyes and she suddenly realizes how easy it is to forget he's only five when he acts beyond his years. "Promise?" he asks.

She sits at his side and pulls him close against her chest. "I promise," she whispers into his hair, praying to any God that will listen that she can keep the promise.

* * *

When she's finished being dead, Irene returns to the hospital with proud shoulders and shining eyes and Emily realizes how much of her is in their son.

They have a whispered argument in the hallway while he sleeps, all 'What were you thinking?' and 'I'm so sorry!' And suddenly, standing before her, she isn't _The_ Woman, just _a_ woman, frightened and small. Emily's heart almost breaks for her, just a little, if she hadn't been so angry.

"How could you do this?" she says, _'to me, to our son'_ she doesn't say. But Irene hears it anyway. "After everything..."

She doesn't have a good response to that, so she says nothing, just shakes her head, looks apologetic. It's not good enough.

"You could have died – you could _still_ die!" she hisses. "You should have asked for help! What do you think I do all day?"

"I didn't want to put you in danger," she admitted weakly.

"And now we all are," she replied pointedly.

"I'm _sorry_ ," she says and it's genuine, but...

Emily sighs, hands on her hips, and she's _so_ tired. "I'll take care of it," she says and when she looks up, her eyes are weary, but still full of love.

She calls Clyde.

* * *

She explains to Clyde what she needs.

He's furious. Says she's asking him to give up a year's worth of investigation into Irene.

Emily is furious right back. How could he be investigating her without telling her?

"She was blackmailing the government, Emily, for Christ's sake!" he says angrily, "She was connected to terrorists that grounded the operation _you_ were supposed to be heading!"

"That doesn't matter!" Emily cries, she's angry, yes, but she's also desperate. "They'll kill her, Clyde! My son's mother! Don't you get that?"

"It's not in the government's nature to be forgiving of crimes against the crown..."

"I'm not asking the government, Clyde, I'm asking _you_." She's not above begging right now. " _Please_..."

"Emily, _no_ ," he insists. He's cracking though.

"You owe me, Clyde," she says, trying a new tactic. "You promised me nothing would happen when I went under with Doyle and I fucking _died_. You swore to protect me and you didn't. You owe me!"

"Em..." It's tired, broken. "What you're asking..."

"I'm asking for you to protect my family."

* * *

Being asked to take over Hotch's job is a surprise, but it comes at the perfect time, so she agrees without hesitation.

She moves her little family across the ocean, back to her home and it still feels like home, only better, because she has her family with her.

Emily wants to get married, but Irene isn't the marrying type and theirs isn't a marriage relationship and Emily's okay with that, so long as they're together. She does insist on introducing Irene to all of her friends who accept her into the fold like she's always been there, like she's always belonged.

She's no longer known as Irene – her new identity is Serena Wolfe. She never thought she'd have this – never thought she'd _want_ this – and she's surprised by how right it feels, to settle down, to be a real family. Even knowing everything she's sacrificed, everything she's lost to have it, it still feels worth it – Emily _makes_ it worth it. She's happy, content even. For maybe the first time she can remember.

Elizabeth Prentiss meets Emily's family for the first time. She falls in love with Nero right away and Emily can't blame her. When she learns about his cancer, she offers to pay for his treatment. Ordinarily, out of pride and stubbornness, Emily wouldn't have let her, but she can't afford to be proud when her son's life is at stake. She works hard at letting her mother into her life again. It's hard after everything, but she wants to do better for her son, for herself.

Nero takes well to the new life. He likes the attention – likes being close to his favourite uncle, _loves_ his Aunt Penelope who instantly starts spoiling him to make up for lost time. He likes the instant friends he has in Michael and Henry and Jack who don't seem to mind if he's a little unusual. (They're already planning on starting a detective agency together – Jack has been designated as their blogger because he knows the most words, Nero has decided he gets to be Sherlock because he 'has the hat'.) He likes baby Hank and Emily is already nervous about her son's influence on him. He starts talking about a baby brother and Emily just groans and shakes her head because she's not sure that's in the cards.

Emily introduces Declan to her new family, assures him he'll always have a place in her heart and her home, should he want it. He's off to college now – pre-med, so he can save lives instead of taking them – and he promises to visit every break. Nero tries to recruit him to his detective agency because 'Watson is a doctor', Declan just ruffles his hair, oblivious to the fact that Nero is dead serious. Irene understands, then. Why Emily did it, why she has the scar. She didn't think she could love her more, but she does.

Irene can't go back to her old profession, not ever, out of concerns for her safety. It's hard to accept, at first, because it's all she's ever known. But she's not about to jeopardize this new life Emily has secured for them. Emily suggests she try her hand at being a sex therapist, but for now, she's content to look after Nero full time.

She and Emily still maintain the dominant/submissive aspect of their relationship, though, it's just part of who they are as a couple. Emily thinks she'd go absolutely crazy if she couldn't have that outlet. For the first and only time, Emily takes control and punishes Irene for what she'd done, whips her until she's well and truly sorry. She likes it, having the power, but not as much as she likes having no power.

Irene keeps in touch with Sherlock, on occasion. She knows she can't tell Nero because of the questions he'd ask that she can't answer. She doesn't tell Emily either, but knows that she knows because of course she does – their son gets his precociousness naturally. She feels a little guilty about it because she's got everything and part of her wants more, but not _that_ guilty because she knows it would never work.

Mycroft had called her 'the dominatrix who brought a nation to its knees'. She thinks of that the day Nero goes into remission and she gets down on her knees and prays for the first time, maybe ever, and thanks any God who listened that she gets to have all of this.


End file.
